I think there is a total epidemic sweeping our relationship lives these days: Mediocrity.
I see a small amount of couples who are sublimely happy and a small amount in extremely toxic relationships. Then there is this HUGE middle ground of people just getting by. Everything is just okay. Doin’ alright. But not thrilling. Not intense. Not lighting each other up. What gives? Could you perhaps be contributing to this mediocre relationship? Probably. May be time to start owning some shit… that is if you really want a thriving, amazing, fulfilling relationship.
A few reasons why your relationship may just be “ehhhh”:
1. Everything else is more important than your relationship. You name it: kids, work, friends, family, social life, whatever. Doesn’t matter what you’re putting above your relationship… the problem is that it isn’t a priority. Maybe you’ll get to it once you get that promotion, or when the kids or older, or when shit gets so bad that it’s an emergency. Seriously, why the fuck are you in a relationship that isn’t even important enough to spend time on? You want a happy relationship, then YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF IT. You don’t get to your 50th wedding anniversary by not paying attention. Take a quick inventory of how you spend your time. How much of that time is spent with this “love of your life”? Not much? Hmmmm… Sounds like you may need to re-work your priorities. Unless “good enough” is totally fulfilling for you… Just sayin’.
Why the fuck are you in a relationship that isn’t even important enough to spend time on?
2. You’re lazy. You’re tired. You don’t have time. The kids this and that… You name it: you’ve got your excuses on lock down. You have two choices: you either make time or make excuses. Your call. So, how have those excuses been working out?
3. You think you’re a victim and you’re committed to blame. You think this relationship is happening TO you instead of you being a contributing member. If only they would this and if only they would that… then you surely would be happy. (Note: I’m NOT talking abusive relationships here… totally different). Dude, man the fuck up. Take responsibility for your shit. Grow a little. Be a better partner. Talk to each other. Move past blame. Get help. OWN YOUR PIECE OF THIS PUZZLE. It doesn’t take one to tango after all…
4. You’re with the wrong person. So, here’s the deal: EVERYONE I have ever talked to who is 100% sure they are with their soul mate, will tell you, hands down that they KNOW they are with the love of their life, their soul mate. No questions asked. If I ask someone, “Is he/she your soul mate?” and there is hesitation or they say, “I’m not sure….” Then it’s pretty fucking simple. No. No, they are not in fact your ideal match. I believe you can be with someone who is “pretty good” for you and have a “pretty good” relationship… or a pretty good marriage even. BUT… I don’t think you can be with someone who is just “okay” for you and be sublimely happy. It just doesn’t work that way. If you want rich, intense intimacy, you have to be with a person who you don’t question. Who is a vibrational match. Who doesn’t make you wonder what else you could have had.
#4 You are with the WRONG person.
5. You avoid instead of tackle your issues. Pretty simple here. Instead of tackling the shit that the two of you need to tackle, you decide to fuck around pretending that nothing’s wrong… breeding nothing but more resentment and unhappiness. How many years do you want to build up an arsenal of regret, anger, and bitterness? I’m telling you right now… if you don’t straighten this shit out, then you WILL get to a point where it will be too late. It will get so bad that it’s actually way easier to separate, divorce, or break up then work through your shit. If you have issues, you HAVE to address them. Period.
In coaching, many times we’ll say, “Keep doin’ what you’re doin’ and get more of the same”. Pretty simple. You have three choices: pretend nothing’s wrong and stay stagnant and unfulfilled, move on, or actually put some effort into this relationship that YOU ARE A PART OF. You are deserving of true, thrilling love… complete intimate connection with another kindred spirit. You really are. But I can’t believe that for you. You have to believe it and actually want it enough to do something about it. It’s possible, my friend. Totally possible.
So… When you’re done reading this, nothing changes unless you do. Just sayin’.
WANT MORE FREE ADVICE?
Powered by Facebook Comments